The orgasm and happiness connection
Recently there has been much research done with regards to women’s orgasms and the connection to a woman’s happiness, or more bluntly put, how a woman’s orgasm influences her relationships. How a vaginal orgasm is achieved, the use of condoms or not, the psychological maturity (tested via the DSQ-40, referred to below) of women’s subsequent behaviour, have all been studied.
The DSQ-40 (Defense Style Questionnaire) is a relatively consistent standardised test for measuring the influence of various defense mechanisms on how people respond to life’s challenges. Freud implied there was a link between vaginal orgasm (firstly the ability to have vaginal orgasm and then the frequency) and psychosexual maturity and this has recently been tested (by Brody S, Costa RM. See) in a study of 94 Portuguese women.
What was discovered was that women who had vaginal orgasms via penile vaginal intercourse were far less likely to use immature defence mechanisms, as tested by the use of DSQ-40 than those whose orgasm came from masturbation or combined clitoral–intercourse orgasms, in their day to day living.
Vaginal orgasm (versus clitoral orgasm) was also associated with less fantasy and devaluation of the sexual encounter and the emotional connection with the experience. Clitoral orgasms were associated with more immature responses.
This research indicates that the apparent cultural demand of women to be satisfied, brought to orgasm by any means available including extensive clitoral stimulation, the use of dildos and vibrators as a substitute for meaningful vaginal sex with a man, is possibly barking up the wrong tree, that orgasm per se is not the route to a woman’s happiness, and ultimately therefore a man’s happiness.
So if clitoral orgasms, easier to achieve yet emotionally and psychologically more superficial than vaginal orgasms, do not ‘do it’, and from this research they clearly don’t, then it appears that men and women need to rethink our sexuality and refocus it towards what actually aids in our maturing and growing as sexually active human beings.
Condom use and emotional maturity
The same author in another piece of research studied the relationship between condom use and emotional maturity as measured in the same way. Interestingly in the studied group of 210 women it showed that regardless of the type of orgasm experienced by the women, if they were using a condom then they tested at the lower, immature end of the test.
An article in New Scientist entitled Semen acts as an anti-depressant refers to a study that showed women who had unprotected sex and who were therefore exposed to semen, were less likely to be depressed than women who used condoms. The authors of the study were unable to make any conclusions but it seems to add weight to the theory espoused at the end of this page about how the real 'goodies' associated with sex arise from penis vagina contact, and not necessarily from the act itself or from orgasm.
See also Unprotected sex as an anti-depressant which dovetails into this from a different perspective.
This research only deals with women and does not refer to the male orgasm and whether it is achieved via vaginal or anal sex, by masturbation by another or oneself, or oral sex. If it is the same, then perhaps all the blow jobs given to men are actually helping keep men immature, as it appears our culture’s obsession with women’s orgasms only serve to keep women immature, as measured by this questionaire.
This study does not refer to women who are not orgasmic, nor does it refer to how happy they were with that, nor does it refer to women who choose not to orgasm. Also not discussed is any reference to various Tantric or similar exercises.
Sexually immature people are easier to sell sex to, to sell every product that uses sex to sell itself.
My own experience of the 'quick fix' of a clitoral orgasm in the event of the absence of a vaginal orgasm during intercourse or the stereotypical 'back-seat feel-up', is that it feels disconnected and while there is a buzz and a sense of relief and release post orgasm, whatever harmony and peaceful feelings occur are pretty shortlived and ultimately unfulfilling.
The findings with regard condom use, while a relatively small sample group was tested, has quite broad ramifications with regards to the direction in which our promiscuous society is moving. Naturally in these days of AIDS and STDs it is important to use condoms to prevent infections but from this study there appears to be a downside with regards the emotional maturity of our society, and what is deemed acceptable, normal. Is modern promiscuity, while promising sexual maturity, actually keeping men and women emotionally immature, therefore easy pickings for sexual advertising.
Sexual relations as modeled to our youth by Big Brother etc cheapen one of the otherwise most meaningful parts of the human existence, disrespectful as it is to the essential beauty of both man and woman. By this I mean that along with condom usage that allows sex free of fear of pregnancy and disease, we also have sex free of connection, free of caring.
Erica Jong in Fear of Flying described the 'zipless f**k' whereby she, sick of the labyrinth of emotional baggage one had to navigate to simply have sex, chose to have totally anonymous sex. This is fine for a release, for a change, to break down some inner patterning, but as de rigeur it is lacking and ultimately shallow and short changing of all concerned.
This unfortunately is the direction in which post-modern sexual expression is moving, with its accompanying backlash from the religious right towards celibacy.
Another aspect of this research is that it seems the real juice, the real point, of sex in terms of connection with each other, of connecting with the divine, is related to the penis-vagina contact. If condom use becomes the norm, and it is as sexual encounters become more casual, then fewer and fewer people ever get to experience, or be present with even when experiencing, this magical and primordial and sacred meeting of the male and female principles.
And that is tragic, and indicates a loss of diversity and cultural information as cutting as the destruction of Indigenous societies so prevalent in the last 100 years.
Related to - Tantra and Sexuality
By Mark O'Brien