Drunk driver
Recently, a police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity (trying his keys on five vehicles) the man managed to find his car and FELL in.
He was sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (NOT raining), flicked the turn signals on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes (as more patrons left in their vehicles). At last, he pulled out of the lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights and promptly pulled the man over.
He administered the breathalyser test, but to his amazement there was no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."