Ancient Chinese man
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a tall house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long beard.
"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a single finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man".
"Ok" agreed the man and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him all through the meal. Remembering the old mans warning he ignored her and went to bed alone.
During the night he could bear the thoughts of her no longer and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back into his own room, exhausted but happy. He woke the next day to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note attached that read: "Chinese torture 1 - Large rock on chest"
Well that is pretty crappy, he thought. If that's the best the old man can do then I have nothing to worry about. He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so he noticed another note that read: "Chinese torture 2 - Rock tied to left testicle" In a panic he looked down and saw the rope was already getting taut.
Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read: "Chinese torture 3 - Right testicle tied to bedpost.