How to know when you are getting old

Everything hurts - what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eye is the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the morning after but you haven't been anywhere.

Your black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing cards.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You join a health club but don't go.

A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable urge.

You know all the answers but no-one asks the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You need glasses to find glasses.

You turn out the light for economy instead of romance.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.

Your knees buckle but your belt won't.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You put on your bra, on back to front, and it fits better.

Your house is too big and your medicine cupboard isn't big enough.

You sink your teeth into a steak (or vegie burger) and they stay there.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

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