Elderly one-liners

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

A little old man shuffles slowly into an ice cream parlour, crawls painfully onto a stool, and orders a banana split. The waitress asks, "Crushed nuts?" He replies "No, arthritis."

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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