Schwartz is dead
A coroner was working late one night. It was his job to examine the bodies before they were be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the coroner, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's privates. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"